Five years. For five years, I cheated on my husband with a coworker. My husband, Garrett, and I had been married for 11 years before I finally confessed to the affair. So, for nearly half of our marriage, I was sharing my heart and my body with someone other than my sweet husband.
I was a Christian, and Garrett was a senior staff member of our church, a support-based missionary on a college campus and soon to be a pastor. I was the biggest Christian hypocrite of all, and Satan had such a foothold in my heart. And, if Satan has a foothold, friend, you are not standing on truth.
Whenever I tried to climb my way out of the deep pit I resided in, I would always fall back down. So, I succumbed to Satan’s lies…
You have gone too far for too long…
God will never take you back…
God will not forgive you…
This is just who you are…
There is no hope for you…
Give up, give in…
I knew in my head that these things were not true; yet, I was so entrenched in sin and absolutely blinded that I was terrified that maybe, just maybe, the accusations thrown at me were true. Maybe God wouldn’t forgive me or take me back.
But, here is the truth friends:
“Our feelings do not affect God’s facts. They may blow up, like clouds, and cover the eternal things that we do most truly believe. We may not see the shining of the promises – but they still shine! His strength is not for one moment less because of our human weakness.”
Amy Carmichael
God’s facts about whether or not He will forgive an affair:
Jesus Christ has already paid for your sin.
All of your sins – past, present, and future, including your affair. When God the Father poured out His wrath on His perfect son Jesus, your affair was included. Jesus paid the death penalty for your affair, for all of your sins, once and for all on the cross. For us to question whether or not He will forgive us is to question the purpose and power of Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection. It is DONE.
“But our High Priest offered himself to God as a single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then he sat down in the place of honor at God’s right hand.” Hebrews 10:12
God removes our sins from us.
“He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.” Psalm 103:12
God completely cleans us.
“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” Isaiah 1:18 ESV
God is giddy when we repent.
Like the father of the prodigal son, God runs out to meet us when we repent and come home. There is no lecture, no rubbing our noses in our mistakes. God throws a robe upon our shoulders, a ring upon our finger, and declares, “Let’s celebrate! My child has returned home!!!” Luke 15:11-32
God does not treat us as our sins deserve.
“...he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” Psalm 103:10
God remembers our sin no more.
“For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34
God is merciful.
“The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, Slow to anger and great in mercy. The Lord is good to all, And His tender mercies are over all His works.” Psalm 145:8-9
God is full of grace.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9
Ahhh, the gift of GRACE.
The day after I confessed my affair to Garrett, he went to meet with a fellow church staff member and friend to tell him about the affair. What a sickening feeling it was to sit at home knowing that Garrett was articulating to others my horrendous sin.
After what seemed like hours, Garrett finally came home with a dozen pink roses in hand. I cried as I embraced him thinking, “How can such beauty be extended to such a wretched being?”
Garrett mentioned that a storm was rolling in as he was driving home. It reminded us of our summer at Myrtle Beach when we first met and God brought us together. We would go down to the beach to watch the lightning and listen to the thunder as the rain gently fell on our faces; we felt God’s awesomeness in those times.
We opened up the blinds in our living room and sat on the floor in the dark, holding hands in silence, with so much pain and uncertainty flooding our hearts. And, as we watched the rain pound against the windows, I felt like God reminded me of the lyrics to the song, “Grace Like Rain”, and the words, “Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me. Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away.” Those words rang true in my soul and echoed in my heart.
God then brought our wedding song to mind, “A Page is Turned”, by Bebo Norman. The lyrics speak of a little boy growing up and how God is preparing him the one he is to marry, and a little girl growing up and how God is preparing her the one she is to marry. And, all the while, God is all over their lives. This song has spoken a lot to us over the years.
“A page is turned in this life, he's making her his wife And there is no secret to the source of this much life When the grace that falls like rain is washing them again Just a chance to somehow rise above this land Where the God of second chance Will pick them up and he'll let them dance Through a world that is not kind And all this time, they're sharing with the One That holds them up when they come undone Beneath the storm, beneath the sun And once again, here you stand Your day has come” - Bebo Norman, A Page is Turned
As soon as the lyrics to these songs were laid on my heart, the rain came down harder and faster. There was a clear, visible, obvious difference to me. The rain pounded so hard against the glass that I seriously thought it would break.
I felt that God was speaking directly into my heart and soul, expressing His overwhelming grace and love for me, shouting to my heart that every single, dirty part of me, and what I had done, was fully washed away by His grace. I was spotless. I was made new. And God’s grace does not run out. He will always give me a second chance. Even if it is the 100,000th time I have messed up, God is there to give me another chance.
Lastly, I felt like God was assuring me that He would see me and Garrett through this tumultuous storm in our lives. He would hold us up as we were so undone, and we would dance once again. I just clung to the hope that God was sharing, and I gladly bathed in the rain of His grace.
God can and will forgive you.
So, friend, if you are struggling to believe that God will forgive you, I am here, as living proof, to shout from the mountaintop that He WILL. He already HAS. It’s simply up to you to step out of the dark, confess your sin so that you may be healed (James 5:16), truly repent, and hold onto His truth and His promises.
"Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God." Matthew 3:8 NLT
And He doesn’t just stop at forgiveness. He cleanses us from all unrighteousness, He calls us sons and daughters, and is GIDDY when we come home. If we have trusted in Jesus, He has already paid the price to reconcile us to Himself, and all He longs for is for you to come as you are. To repent, hate your sin, and turn away from it. He will run out to meet you, lift your head, scoop you into His arms, and dance with delight over you.
Illustrated by Jago, Written by Sally Lloyd-Jones
Bathe in His rain of grace. Take up the shield of faith so that you may extinguish the fiery arrows of the evil one (Ephesians 6:16). Satan wants nothing more than to keep you in a state of doubting God’s Word, of not stepping fully into the freedom and joy that God has created you for.
So, will God forgive you for having an affair?
Oh, yes, dear friend. He already has.
In Grace & Truth, Brenna
P.S. Remember, God forgiving you is not about what you have done, but about what He has done and who He is. Flood your heart with truth with this FREE download, 10 Truths About God.
