Bondage. Prison. Pit of despair. Mud and mire.
These are just a few of the words used in the bible to describe being stuck in sin. And if you have been there, drowning in the cesspool of sin, you know that these words can’t even begin to describe the utter hardness of heart and death that has occurred within you.
Check out my poem "The Grave" for more on this struggle...
I have been there. During the five years I carried on an affair, I constantly felt the Holy Spirit grieve within me. I experienced spiritual attacks every night as I tried to sleep. My heart was still beating, but I was DEAD in every other way.
Once I finally confessed the affair and brought my sin into the light, I immediately experienced joy, peace, and freedom. I finally felt ALIVE once again. Like my true self, who I was created to be in Christ. A daughter of the King.
So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” They answered him, “We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, ‘You will become free’?
John 8:31-36
Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
Now, I understand that not everyone will have the same immediate experience of freedom that I did. It’s also important to note that even though I did feel joy, peace, and freedom upon confession, at the same time I also felt deep regret, remorse, and sorrow. Please know that whether you immediately experience joy and peace or not, you are still headed in the right direction and it will come as you continue to surrender to Christ!
Don’t tell me what to do
As a culture, our mantra is “Don’t tell me what to do!” We tend to even look upon God’s word with that streak of stubbornness. Somewhere along the way, we bought into the lie that to follow God’s commands is slavery, and to do whatever we want is freedom. And what a lie that is!
Thus says the LORD your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you for your benefit, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to My commandments, your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness like waves of the sea.
Isaiah 48:17-18
I can’t tell you how many times my heart ached with the words, “If only…” If only I had paid attention to God’s commands, my peace would have been like a river. Wow. I think I would take peace like a river and righteousness like the waves of the sea over the drowning in my cesspool of sin. Yet, I didn’t…
We’re not meant to live this way
One of the sweetest times I have ever had with the Lord was on a hike to Moraine Park in Estes Park, CO a couple of months after my confession. God taught me four sweet lessons during that hike, including this one about my sin and slavery.
I chose to hike the route that passed by the livery where the horses were kept. Now, in my mind, we’re in Colorado. Wide-open spaces. I envisioned horses galloping across the plains, their manes blowing in the wind, delighting in the glory, majesty, and beauty of their surroundings. And that when the horses would see me, they would come running over to me and we would have a bonding moment. Yes, this is what I envisioned.
Needless to say, that is not what happened. Instead, as I came around a bend, I saw the first horse and wondered why he wasn’t acknowledging me. “At least turn your head buddy and give me something here,” I muttered. I felt the sting of disappointment in my heart that the God-moment I had hoped for was not going to happen.
But, as I got closer to the horse, I could see why he wasn’t moving. He wore a bridle and was tied, very tightly, to a pole in front of him. And I saw more horses and they were all the same.
Horse after horse, not even able to move their heads because they were tied so tightly to that pole. And it made me so sad and so angry. “This is not what these horses were created for! This is not right!”
God sweetly gave me a different moment with Him. Not the one that I envisioned, but the one that I needed most. He gently reminded me of Psalm 32:9 which says, “Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.”
God continued to speak tenderly to me, “Brenna, you were like this horse. I created you to run freely in my love for you, with my gentle breeze of grace running through your hair. Sin is a prison, but in me, you are free. Run in my life and freedom.”
I could clearly see my past self in those horses who couldn’t even turn their heads to the right or left. There was no freedom in that life. They were created for so much more. I was created for so much more.
And here’s the good news, friend. YOU were created for so much more. To live a life free from the bondage of sin, showered with grace upon grace, and for intimacy with the God of the Universe who delights in you.
Are you tired of being enslaved?
To run in His freedom and delight in His joy, we must be in the light. We must grab ahold of His mighty hand that reaches down to save us, that pulls us out of the mud and mire.
“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” Psalm 40:2
“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord…” Acts 3:19
Are you ready for a time of refreshing? To be lifted out of the darkness of the pit, we have to boldly step forth into the light. Now is the time for confession and repentance! God is eagerly awaiting your return and longs to bathe you in mercy.
“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV.
Do not be like the horse. Run in God’s freedom and joy!
In Grace & Truth, Brenna ❤
P.S. Also check out my post, “Should I confess my affair” for more information about confessing sin and “Will God forgive me for having an affair?” for more about God’s forgiveness.
