moving in with mom after dad died

Communicating with him is like trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. We can afford it, so I'm not complaining. Now we feel it is out of the question. That would not be my idea of telling those who are angry, devastated, confused and yes feeling it is wrong, disrespectful and hurting the very person you say you want to make happy in the end, DOES CLASS AND DECENCY RIGHT A BELL IN YOUR INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH MIND? I found her to be disrespectful & a very good liar. Personally, I want to punch this person in the face, and as for my dad, I feel like I dont even know him. That night she came to our house from the accident scene and never left. Those of you who are kind will try to understand ,those of you who are are busy causing untold family damage and rifts will argue that you have the right to do what you like. My heart is open, and I have been very open and flexible to respect that they have not been ready to meet me now its the holidays, and I feel its time for his daughters to be open , flexible and positive for their dad. Now that I find myself in a situation where my husband passed away suddenly in his sleep leaving me to take care of our 2 yr. old son. They were the priority, my need to be with a man or re-marry, was not the priority. I was so angry I blew up. At one point he said he was going to end the relationship to make me happy, but I know that isnt the solution either. No one could fail to feel for the terrible situation in which you were left. Little did I know 14 months later I was going to be blindsided with a call that he was dating. Her death, while so very difficult to deal with of course, was not a surprise for any of us. Initially, I was filled with remorse when I realized I hadnt been there for my friend Sally in a more emotionally in tune way. I started dating her. I just met her last night in the hospital as he is waiting to see what is wrong with his heart. If my husband were to do the same, the thought of it makes me very sad. Its so nice knowing that there are people out there going through the same thing, and that Im not alone. I felt this when I was on top of the world on the ledge of a boulder in the middle of Lake Cumberland, KY, the summer I decided to get 14 people together and rent a houseboat for a week. My mom has lived on her own since my dad died in 2017, first in a seniors retirement community, now in her own condo. I thought you guys might want to hear from someone who happens to be the mans girlfriend. The same goes for everything you have in life; you never know when your life will change, and you may not have a roof over your head or a hot meal to eat. I believe that you could give the other person a chance to get to know them; isolation doesnt help in any way. I felt silly for assuming that I would upset her if I reminded her of her dada person who, of course, was never far from her mind. 60 days after the sister got served the notices, the sister still refused to leave. mothers daughter and your dad just doesnt want to see it? Yet when i met a half ago in the death of something she died in the death of a. Duane 'dog' chapman says he's dating again after your. But she needs help. The fact that my dad feels that I should be grateful to this woman for everything shes done for me. Since he can no longer drive she holds all the power. I could relate and it completely sucks. The bushes were drying out because they were too big and not getting enough water, when its been over 110 degrees here for many many days. What kind of man allows this? I have basically lost my mother, father and sister who is too afraid to stand up to dad and have no parents. My late mother bulit all her wealth for our family to enjoy not for my mom to give as charity to her current partner its so disrespectful, My mom passed away and told everyone she wanted to leave certain stuff to her grand kids but my greedy father sold it all did not tell his kids what should I do. There is a 4 year age difference between them as we lost 2 babies due to miscarriage. How to sew my own clothes? Does she have good credit, or credit in general? Now shes struggling financially & its my fault. My sister doesnt live here and takes my dads side cuz she didnt have to experience this like I did. Dave and to all of you that are hurting and grieving your beloved parents and family members, I know my mom would want me to be a part of my dads life but its so hard for me to accept it. What I would do is to call your dad and tell him you would like to sit down and talk to him alone. I can tell you these are things from which you cannot recover even if you are able to forgive. It eats away at me every single day. Let me be clear- Ive never asked this woman to do a thing a for me and I never will. I cant stop thinking about it. And the really bad part is, there is NOTHING that can ever change this. My Dads girlfriend would get offended when my Dad asked to spend some quality time with his kids. I understand that, but it was still entirely too soon when he began a relationship months later, she moved into our house and slept on my moms side of the bed less than 6 months after my moms death, they were quickly engaged and married less than 20 months after my mom had died. Shes a nice person, but takes everything personally. It definitly could be worse. I feel so sorry for you. Did it make me angry at her? Yes, he is lonely and yes, you are lonely and yes, you both deserve not to be lonely. All of your comments here are like echoes of my own situation. Things that I feel need to stay in the family. If he ever needs me Ill be there, but for now..I want him to be happy, however, I dont think he is. I really dont know how he can do anything more hurtful at this point. She is very capable of independence, but not immediately. Nice. I do know that I will need to find some way to deal with it, but I'm just worried that thinking about being sad will just make me sad. Is it even on his? I noticed that the hutch with glasses and mementoes (another place my dad never looked at) was emptied. It will be different for everyone. Dad will not be late or her or she will not go out with him,so when I visit him,and hes arranged to be at hers,even just to be at hers for nothing in particular,he panics to get me out just so she wont be annoyed with him. Dear Erin, Im sorry that you havent been able to share your grief with your mother at a time when youre both reeling from this tremendous loss. Sure how to provide comfort this father's death. As I said, they have a strange relationship. The D in particular had a very difficult time handling it. Over the years, I worked through my grief over the loss of my mother and accepted my fathers marriage. I had also cried too many nights when I see him suffering for the hurtful things that they had done or said to him the few times that they talk or argue. My dad died in 2006, and they had been together over 40 years. Where was Buster Murdaugh When His Mom and Brother Were They were both diagnosed with Cancer within a day of each otherDad Colon, Mom Lung and then we found out Mom also had an aortic aneuyism that could burst anytime. The S flat out told me he did not have a problem with our dating. Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. Having to have chemo weekly with only a few breaks in between, left her very ill during the process. Im not his gatekeeper. The other son would come up and visit Ellens mother who lived next door and then leave and go home without visiting Ellen. Your counsellors attitude is beyond comprehension! We have to live it the best we can and not have regrets later on. My sisters and I will be there to support him and love him through it. That is not it, I want him to be happy. It has made my grandmas home a horrible memory now and I really dont know what to do cuz this just isnt right, thanks any suggestions appreciated. I mean after all hes not just bringing her into his life, but mine as well. That appears to be his wish. You were saying: Maybe there is a positive side that we havent encountered yet Im still waiting. I found all of this out the first day of my last semester in college. They were married 34 years good relationship. Everyone needs someone, whether it is a best friend, a significant other or a sibling. Which Im so mad at him for.he wont even let me have things that were my mothers, meanwhile bringing someone into the house she lived in to walk upon my moms things. It is almost like two deaths in one. AND my dad is now the proud owner of two hens in his backyard, as well as a 2 burner outdoor stove for cooking pho broth.. Basically who is he?!? Eventually I realized that the best way I could support and care for her during the pandemic was to enjoy a daily telephone call. My dad has been acting differant since they started dating too hes been drinking more, ect. So I now inhabit a house with them and their infant daughter. Of course, you are taking the risk that there will be a family split and you will get the blame. It was really rough, my mother actually talked to me about it days before her death-telling me to not be angry because dad was involved with this woman, that he would need someone when she was gone and that it was okay. I never met the woman my dad is involved with. After reading all these stories i feel like i am reading about myself. old and can do what he wants without anyone approval, yet Im the one who he called when something needed done or needed help with my mom. I certainly dont want to run his life. And you children may not understand what we go thru. I am sick of hearing about Its so lonely It is a sad day when a grown person cant entertain themselves. He may try to replace your mother in his life with anotherbut after that many years of marriage, he will never be able to. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. I understand that everyone needs someone, But i dont think it should be forced on the surviving kids/ relatives, at least not till their ready. She has made Dad chose between his family and hers. If ended up asking my brother to take he for a walk just so I could get her out of my sight. I feel that the only way to achieve some kind of middle ground here, is to accept what is happening, support my Father-in-law in his happiness, and be positive for my husband and his siblings. Not like my dad would have wanted it, but thats how it will have to be. Not 6 months later, my father introduced my brother and me to his 28-year old girlfriend and her two children. Their union spanned 30 years and they have an adult child. Instead, he announced his engagement a mere 3 month and 3 weeks after her death. She found out she had cancer early 2005 after she became jaundiced in December 2004. She got what she wanted.sadly, she was right! I even told my mom not to give me anything, because I knew my dad would be awful. Any comments? I dont understand. She said that she values our opinions but beyond that nothing much was done. We are not trying to move me in the family home, nor is marriage even being discussed. He seemed to believe that because he had suffered through years of my Mothers illness that this was what he deserved. All bets were off when she was in the house organizing stuff. Grief is confusing and is not the same for everybody, and it is often very hard to talk it through just with your family members. WebWhile it's reasonable to ask him to find his own place because money isn't an issue, you can't expect him to leave on the spot. Key points. What is hard for him is that his father wants him to accept this so soon- wants to bring her over to watch our kids and have dinner together. The day that I had to meet my fathers new girlfriend. Dear Therapist, I know that everyone is going through loss during the coronavirus pandemic, but in the midst of all this, my beloved father died two weeks ago, and Im reeling. We spend a lot of time talking about mom, as well. Please take the focus off of yourself and try. My Dad went on a date with a mutual friend of theirs within one month, which I was astounded by. This has got to be very tough for you. In time, you will learn to work around it and not let it absorb you and suck you up. Again, the problem is that it happened too soon no time for him to grieve properly or me. Try to get her to meet people who never knew your dad - it helps a lot. It happened so fast. Although he is ready.. we are just not. What do I do? New years eve and were celebrating i took a great family photo of us 4 and SHE LOST IT. It is so good to know that I am not the only daughter dealing with these feelings. This women across the street would come over often, and every time I was there just to be irritating to me because she knew we did not care for each other. The damage done can not be undone. Los angeles resident abbe andersen took care nurse for your mom for a need to be in his debilitating journey with. She needs to get a job. Let go. It sucks she has to work like a normal person but.. tough? I, as a father of young children FOR WHOM I AM RESPONSIBLE, have to be sensitive to the fact that it may be longer for them than for me. However, this woman is a fair weather friend and has proved to the world her worthlessness. After about two months, when I did actually want people to ask about my dad and to check in on me, I felt deeply sad that everyone had seemingly moved onand I was left painfully alone. Recently my sister was hoping to get some help from an organisation where people visited the elderly. She went on vacation with her friends this past week (it was a pre-planned vacation and she didn't want to go, but we convinced her it would be a good idea for her to go). For any, and all, of the above reasons. Cuz you never know. I was so furious and from the moment Ive met her I have completely resented her and my dad. She has tried her best to destory our family and keep us away from my dad. Not sure how do children are 40 touching quotes. At the first family trip, I was already stumped at how quickly things were moving. So she is moving in here where i live, into my mothers space. Just remember, Judi, the immediate family needs and deserves time before you can be accepted into their lives dont move in with Dad and dont allow Dad to move in with you and please there is nothing you can say, but a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen will always help. They had no children; it was for her relations. I came to pick her up from the airport last night and she was just a mess. All the while he expects me to hang around him and live life with him in it! moving I went alone, my husband started a new job and we cant afford it yet. My moms remains were in a box we got from the furneral home and he wasnt even thing of buying her a proper urn. How could so much love be so quickly forgotten. I feel like I never really knew my father after this awful behavior. I loved my wife deeply and will miss her for the rest of my life but I did start a relationship 3 months after her passing. My dad now has a girlfriend. above their children, and (2) aggressively reprimand the children for being selfish. My parents did everything with my husband and I. Then not even 5 months later he was dating seriously, and had been talking about marriage with She had him stay with her for about a year because she was scared of losing control. It was just weird, my Brother and I my son were only an hour away and he would not wait. I am a 45 yr old man who lost his wife of 18 years and partner for over 23 yrs after a long battle with cancer. How dare I try to prevent him from moving on? Before and after my mother passing from leukemia my father was dating and later married my mothers best friend from college. Our loved ones leave us and we are broken and have to pick up the pieces and figure out how to have family dinners with that empty place at the table. It just so happens that my father is away for 24 days with his new girlfriend on vacation while Im having the toughest time dealing with my mothers loss. They should use some decorum, show some respect for their childrens MOTHER, and think about the example they are setting for their GRANDCHILDREN. Within weeks, my father took up with a mutual friend of theirs. It was ridiculous. They are not together because hes too proud to say hes lonely and she doesnt want her freedom to go out curtailed by someone who is not as fast and agile as he once was. I realize that I still am not ready to accept this & quite honestly dont think I ever will because I dont have to accept her into my life & I really dont want to. All the time my husband and I spent with my parents is with with this new girlfriend. Just make sure you give yourself the headspace to actually do it. My father is volatile and a bully and so guiltily I became relieved when she was about as he did not treat me so badly. That was tough, as it was my Moms house too and this woman just moved in and took over. It made the situation so much worse. I constantly encourage him to keep the relationship with them when he feels frustrated and misunderstood and wants to give up. In March, a recent widow called my dad and made contact. I guess I thought dad would finally take some time to get to know me, the grandkids and spend time doing things he did not do all the time we grew up. Dad was a wonderful caregiver. Thinking of you and understanding where you are at! We told my dad and his fiance how happy we were for them, and we were. Despite the fact that she tried to be affectionate at first, she has never called me to ask how I am doing or how my children are doing. When Your Widowed Parent Begins to Date NTA to move out. I love the attention self care is getting in social media. Long. While reading some of the behaviors of the GFs, I felt very bad for some of you, I understand where you are coming from.. Bravo! Im done this is just too heart breaking for me and our family. Im Dave who posted in November of 2014 . And how can I have respect for the other woman who can so easily insert herself into a deceased womans home? accepted her just so long as we acted as if we did. I am now 48 and would like to share my story. He was very nervous during the entire conversation (like he has been since he started bringing up about talking to these women). This is why is pains me to see my mother move on so soon 5 months later. He resented being taken out for visits almost as if he felt we were at fault. She is a horrible stupid butt who my dad even called psycho the other day yet continues to torment me with putting her shit all around my mothers moms house who of course both are dead. Thanks for an opportunity to vent although in a sense it is 35 years too late! That seems ridiculously expensive. Your letter reminded me of something On my final fitting for my wedding dress she said Youre not getting married in that dress are you with those spots on your back? How kind to give my confidence such a boost! She is creating the need and doesnt like to be alone. Frankly, to heck with him and with her. Follow My dad passed away from throat cancer in Feb, just 4 months ago. We all are just about as happy as we make our mind up to be. I dont think you understand. I once cut his hair too short,she told him he looked like a thug,wouldnt speak to him for days,now he panics every time I cut his hair incase I use the wrong fitting. The reality of all this is I cant let them watch the baby bc he is physically incapable and she is drugged up all the time. Now I have discovered that while my mother was dying, this other woman was pursuing my father. It is weird cause growing up i was over this persons house all the time hanging out with my friend her daughter and now she is seeing my dad.just weird. It gets me. When I wasnt in class, I was in the hospital talking to mom, watching her sleep, and helping her stay comfortable. I feel the sadness of never having met my husbands father and that there is a grandfather my children never knew. I will never be her friend or her buddy and dont want to be. What is wrong with that? The only thing that has gotten me through these years have been that I feel her presence still with me and her telling me that I should focus on my family and not let things get me down. 2) little or no regard for your dead wifes family and their grief especially after they were there to support both of you before, during and after her illness; A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. The worse she behaves and is allowed to behave by my father the more sorry he feels for her that she is disliked by so many from the shop assistants she abuses to both his and her families. Im grown, so his actions should be of no concern to me! #pov after my mom died my dad wants to move to the city. all. I would also suggest trying to help your mother get through the day with daily chores. I wont allow that to become a goal of anyone who enters into our family. So I thought I would reach out to this community. I am an only daughter. We had to ask my dad if he could fit us into his schedule because they are soooo busy doing stuff. Ellen started telling me she loved me. At the time she barely knew me as I had just been an acquaintance in the past! Eight months after my mother died my dad gave a woman a diamond. A coward at heart, he didnt even have the guts to tell me himself. Since then, my father has been the family rock. Maybe over time our feelings will change. Support is what you and your family needs. My husband even commented to me tonight that he feels uncomfortable with the fact he is constantly bringing up about talking and meeting other women. With 48, mom's still young , too, young enough to get a job. My biggest concern was my mother. Anyway its sad that others are going through the sort of same situation I am. My father fawned over her and treated her like a goddess. When you meet alone, you should tell him how you feel excluded from his life & how hurt and sad you are. Mum died at 56 and would be 90 if she had lived.I have lived with this situation for so many years. He talks to me now as if I was 8 sometimes. We're looking forward to. Just tell your dad you are not ready for that right now and you understand his needs. They consider that he has destroyed the family and he has betrayed them because we are going to get married. I do feel that mom thinks its all about her right now. Sometimes it is very hard to be upbeat when you feel such dispair but give it your best shot. AITA for moving out of my moms house after my dad died? I never realized how much paperwork you have to do when someone dies. But if you don't have advance notice (or that type of relationship), be gentle with yourself. I gulped down fear, as I rushed to find out what was happening. The women he dated didnt respond to him like he had hoped. I believe that boundaries have to be in place and respected from both sides. People spend more time debating which car they will buy than Is this person suitable or are they just making themselves available?. Its one thing to have pictures of strangers in bikinis in a garage, but a person you are trying to have a motherly relationship with?!? Your email address will not be published. Youre so young to be going through so much pain dont give up on working through this though. I know , not as terrible as it is for you, yes, because you lost your mother and now you feel you are losing your dad. I actually kind of felt sorry for her. She was after my father for 40 years! These dinners were pretty casual (March-April 2013). My mom was my confidant, my best girl friend, etc. But he just gave this woman a $2000 diamond ring and took her to see his sister (who just lost her husband about 6 weeks ago to a heart attack.). His main focus is just Money. To change without notice. Your email address will not be published. After suffering a lost you should know that life is too short and it can change in any given moment. HEAD OVER HEELS in love, even now. We understand that he will cultivate other friendships and relationships in his life. We have told him that they are not ready for this. I should have known. Try to establish a friendship with her for her own qualities and so you can feel comfortable talking to her about the loss of your mother and your grief. I am 16 year old boy. I called my dad to check up on him. ( I understand that there are some exceptions and some times this will impossible to accomplish) Well, I overextended myself. What a huge insight on your part, death has made you more understanding and aware, not less. The year my dad was alone was the saddest Ive ever known- my sister and I took turns visiting him every weekend with our children, and called him every day. They never lived together the occational wknd away or at the cottage and she said she would never sleep in my mothers bed so if she came to spend the night, it was in the spare room. What people in your situtation need to realize it is not all about you, there are children, grandchildren, in-laws. That was almost 3 years ago. They talk on the phone often and I believe he gave her a really nice Christmas gift! I have accepted the situation( he lives at her home since about 3 months after they started dating)and his condo is for sale now), I feel that, its heavy. I have one sibling, a younger brother. I dont know if Im reading to much into this. I have sometimes confided in someone only to find I felt worse after the chat Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. She is disliked because she is thoroughly dislikeable and it is her victims who are worthy of pity. January came and I continued to visit my mother. Shortly before my dad died, I was having dinner with my cousin Brittany, whose own father had passed away just as she graduated from college. What could she teach me? With more time for our family to grieve and to have our dad, I think we would have had a much easier time accepting his new wife. How to Help a Grieving Parent | Legacy.com My fathers death hits me most deeply when Im driving in the car by myself, listening to the 70s Sirius XM radio station. I am glad I came across this website and Im not alone. Before the argument, we had some discomfort about leaving our daughters with them. In addition, her other sister lives on the same street, across the driveway, from my dad. I dont want to hear these things, nor do you, I am sure. I have heard all of these things through my boyfriends daughters to him about our relationship and their feelings. She just needs a shoulder to cry on and be. Ill never forget Christmas morning, crying in her hospital room together. Which was the first time I had done so in front of my in-law(s). My dad sped up the selling of the house and ended up moving in with his girl friend in May after I graduated. It's really, devastating sadness that people grow old and suddenly at I know that not all the persons that come into your families are there for a good reason. They were going out a lot. Know that if you have a change of heart, you have to communicate that to those who are more than eager to help. Unfortunately, I have not dealt well with the reality of his girlfriend. I cant just tell him about it because he hasnt told me anything about this. Whitney gave me back a piece of him that would have otherwise faded. They are devastated. This can open new lines of communication and reduce the threat you feel that she is somehow replacing your mother. My mom is having a really hard time. My husband understands that his father needs this companionship and is not angry with him for wanting to be with this woman. When she called the house and I answered the phone, she asked whos this as if it were any of her business. We have spent the past 21 months gradually allowing everyone to adjust to this new life. Today, they went shopping for a bed. From this I feel like I have been able to step back and gain some insight, and this insight has brought me some healing and clarity. Now a word to those of you that think your dad or your mom or whoever is moving on too soon, and cite for evidence it has only been 2 years, or 5 months, or 1 year, or whatever. Im sad that my Mom worked so hard all her life and many times was forced to be frugal and now woman will be reapiing the rewards of Moms hard work. Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily, 13 St. Patrick's Day Drink Recipes From TikTok That Are Pure Gold, I Tried Jeni's 'Ted Lasso' Ice Cream, & These Biscuits Are Life, Tour All The 'Daisy Jones & The Six' Filming Locations IRL, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. You have every right to have your own place! Their response is we are selfish and over-controlling for not allowing them to take the girls. I mentally slapped myself about the head striving to gain acceptance of my terrible situation. My father has now moved in with his girlfriend and lives in her house.