Your sister was a beautiful person. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. For a parent, sons and daughters are equally precious. Oh, I forgot I think she was also wearing lip gloss!. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. Sometimes termed the Art of Presence, one of the best gifts one can give is the gift of time. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. 15. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. Unfortunately, we sometimes see inappropriate things being said during such an occasion. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance. While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. Leaving footwear outside is part of local culture in India, and is a respectful gesture in this context. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Cremation rituals may vary in different places. As such, this message will work for the friend who sincerely believed in the transitory nature of the body itself. Facebook. When writing sympathy cards for Hindu loved ones, geography plays a vital role. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. It is eternal, all-pervading, changeless, immovable, and primeval. Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. All rights reserved. And then it is appropriate to briefly visit the bereaved family at home at the end of the day. So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. The funeral directors will take the body for bathing, dressing and anointing with the permission and in the presence of chosen friends and relatives before the funeral rites take place. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. Hare Krishna. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. Sharma, A. For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. According to my calculations based on astrology, he could not have chosen a better time to die is another example of saying the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. After the funeral, friends may visit the bereaved, usually bringing gifts of fruit. Any distractions must be shrugged away until we are out of sight, and away from earshot. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. Although attitudes and risk tolerances vary, no sane parent would knowingly do anything that would harm their child. Adherence to a strict mourning period is less common today. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. 6. The nominations for the 93rd Academy Awards will be announced on March 15. All Rights Reserved. There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. Those can include: During these thirteen days, the family and friends of the deceased are given the freedom to express their grief rather than keep it bottled up inside. Where would it be held? Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. The flowers are placed at the feet of the deceased. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. It's fine to ask others to share their memories and weave them into your eulogy. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. In order to settle the estate, all outstanding bills and dues that the How To Express Sympathy: What To Say And What Weve compiled a list of things to sayand things to avoid sayingwhen A Quick Overview Of Proper Funeral Etiquette. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. Once the major decisions have been made, visit, or at least speak with, the person performing the service. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. Since you know that his mother likes lilies, you might want to wait a bituntil the activity immediately following your co-worker's death settles downand then send her the lilies. The gesture must be in line with the persons proximity to the family, and the familys own cultural preferences. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. If you don't feel comfortable having your daughter view an open casket, skip the visiting hours and simply attend the service. After you hear about someones death, it is pretty customary to visit the deceased family at their place immediately for offering your sympathy. Determining the best time to contact the bereaved generally depends on your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. Malayala Manorama apps - carry the world with you. Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Your are already subscribed for Malayala Manorama News Letter/Alert. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! form. Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. This link will open in a new window. If your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died is more casual, it may be best to wait until the wake, funeral or memorialservice, or after the funeral to reach out. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. It is proper to visit and be with the family during this time. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. You can also donate financially if you can. generalized educational content about wills. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. May Lord Krishna grant you strength. Although some people may attend the cremation ceremony, non-Hindus are not allowed to participate in the mukhagni ceremony.